Monday, June 8, 2009

The back pages


My future mother-in-law, who routinely
uses phrases like jeepers and holy cow, flips
leisurely through penis enlargement ads,
oiled men with bulging leather briefs
and barely-legal girls with starred nipples
on the back pages of the NOW Magazine
on my kitchen table. She says, “Oh, gosh,
I never realized we had such a market for this
sort of thing in Toronto.”

She’s a biology teacher; I’m an adult.
We don’t have to be weird about sex, right?
Conversationally, I point out
the she-male and fetish sections,
my favourite sex columnist
on the back page

and spend the next two hours praying
like the Catholic school girl I was
when I started dating her son,
        Please, Dan Savage, please just this week
        don’t take letters from felchers, fisters, furries,
        or people who eat ice cubes of semen.


As posted on LAID

4 comments:

Dorkmaster Flek said...

Hahahaha, don't worry, she won't judge you for that. ;) Hey, you got posted in a mashup! You're Web 2.0 baby! :)

Margo said...

"I never realized we has such a market for this
sort of thing in Toronto."

Typo?

Claudia said...

ahahahaha

Mary said...

hahahaha nice.