My future mother-in-law, who routinely
uses phrases like jeepers and holy cow, flips
leisurely through penis enlargement ads,
oiled men with bulging leather briefs
and barely-legal girls with starred nipples
on the back pages of the NOW Magazine
on my kitchen table. She says, “Oh, gosh,
I never realized we had such a market for this
sort of thing in Toronto.”
She’s a biology teacher; I’m an adult.
We don’t have to be weird about sex, right?
Conversationally, I point out
the she-male and fetish sections,
my favourite sex columnist
on the back page
and spend the next two hours praying
like the Catholic school girl I was
when I started dating her son,
Please, Dan Savage, please just this week
don’t take letters from felchers, fisters, furries,
or people who eat ice cubes of semen.
As posted on LAID