Monday, June 8, 2009

The back pages

My future mother-in-law, who routinely
uses phrases like jeepers and holy cow, flips
leisurely through penis enlargement ads,
oiled men with bulging leather briefs
and barely-legal girls with starred nipples
on the back pages of the NOW Magazine
on my kitchen table. She says, “Oh, gosh,
I never realized we had such a market for this
sort of thing in Toronto.”

She’s a biology teacher; I’m an adult.
We don’t have to be weird about sex, right?
Conversationally, I point out
the she-male and fetish sections,
my favourite sex columnist
on the back page

and spend the next two hours praying
like the Catholic school girl I was
when I started dating her son,
        Please, Dan Savage, please just this week
        don’t take letters from felchers, fisters, furries,
        or people who eat ice cubes of semen.

As posted on LAID


Dorkmaster Flek said...

Hahahaha, don't worry, she won't judge you for that. ;) Hey, you got posted in a mashup! You're Web 2.0 baby! :)

Margo said...

"I never realized we has such a market for this
sort of thing in Toronto."


Claudia said...


Mary said...

hahahaha nice.