Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Bitch Lessons

I don’t even dislike my quasi-boss,
But when she smiles passive aggressively,
Tells me to take out all my commas
And print the letter again,
Says, "You never put a comma before 'and,'
It's not proper,"
Something in me snaps,
Some mutant academic strain of an anger disorder,
And I fight the urge
To drown her in my cup of green tea.
I may be an idiot with the banking,
But I know punctuation.

At lunch, Mona drops her voice to a whisper,
Tells us the secrets of how she got a raise,
Got her vacation pay,
Got even,
By being a huge bitch.
I take notes in my head,
Wondering: if I was a bigger bitch,
Would I have stood up for myself?
Smiled right back at my quasi-boss,
Shoved my CP style guide at her
And said, Look it up,
Instead of sitting here stewing,
Fantasizing about her hanging off the cliffs of hell,
Of grinding a cleated heel into her knuckles,
Screaming, “My punctuation is fucking flawless, bitch!”

1 comment:

Urban Folk said...

It's incredibly frustrating to deal with people who are so fundamentally stupid, but who the fates have conspired to gift with a better deal than they've given us. How these people wind up in positions of power (being a bitch notwithstanding) is a genuine mystery to me. But that said -- I loved this little diatribe. Off to devour more of your musings. Great work :)